Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
