So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
