long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
