Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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