hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he fucked my hip out of place.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
