Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
