We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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