I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
