someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
