so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
