You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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