why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
