I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
