I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
