She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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