dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
