I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
