Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Michael Bay diarrhea
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
