I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
