you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
