I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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