I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just blew my weed a kiss
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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