I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
