Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We won't sleep together?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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