In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
