mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
