Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
