I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
