I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
