Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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