I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
