Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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