you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
