Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
