I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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