I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize