Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
