I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
