it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
