Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it glows. i had to have it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
