Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my shit smells like andre
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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