woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
