one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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