I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
