New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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