I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
