She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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