giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
