Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
