yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
