we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
