I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
