I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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