I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
