i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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