checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
