Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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